Austrian History Lesson
A great man, speaking at the RNC, once said "One of my movies was called 'True Lies.' It's what the Democrats should have called their convention." This, of course was met with thunderous applause. However, this is kind of funny considering what happened a few minutes later.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been ridiculed by Austrian historians for telling the Republican national convention that he saw Soviet tanks in his homeland as a child and left a “socialist” country when he emigrated to America in 1968. Recalling that the Soviets occupied parts of Austria after the Second World War, Mr Schwarzenegger, the Governor of California, told the convention on Tuesday: “I saw tanks in the streets. I saw Communism with my own eyes.”

However, Stefan Karner, an historian, said that Schwarzenegger, who was born on July 30, 1947, would not have seen Russian tanks in his home town. “The fact is that as a child in Styria, he could not have seen Soviet tanks,” Herr Karner said. By the time Schwarzenegger was born, the province was occupied by the British, he added.

Martin Polaschek, a legal historian at the Karl Franzen University, said that he could not understand Mr Schwarzenegger’s claim that Austria “became socialist after the Soviets left”. “Austria was ruled by a coalition government,” he said. “He is getting a free country mixed up with a socialist one.” Herr Polaschek accused the Governor of “trying to use the old Communist threat for Bush’s election campaign”.

Arnold, you took an event and spun it to make it seem more personal thus giving you the political advantage, even if your lies are uncovered later. Just like your hero, Richard Nixon, you truly embody the Republican party.

The rightie reaction
When Zell Miller makes a ridiculous and inaccurate speech, conservatives mull over how much it will hurt Kerry. When Kerry is spot on and rails back at the GOP, he's a madman.

Hollywood

"If you say the heart and soul of America is found in Hollywood, I'm afraid you are not the candidate of conservative values."
-George W. Bush, accepting his party's nomination. September 2, 2004.

Kerry attacks back
It's about time the Dems grew some balls and struck back at these bullshit assertions. The past month and a half of Kerry's bid, which his camp would be wise to title the "bending over campaign," haven't done us much good. Finally, we're hitting back. And with a $50 million ad blitz approaching, perhaps we'll hit back hard:

We all saw the anger and distortion of the Republican convention. For the past week, they attacked my patriotism and my fitness to serve as commander in chief. Well, here's my answer. I'm not going to have my commitment to defend this country questioned by those who refused to serve when they could have and by those who have misled the nation into Iraq.

The vice president even called me unfit for office last night. I guess I'll leave it up to the voters whether five deferments makes someone more qualified to defend this nation than two tours of duty.

Tone In Washington
Remember that ad from Bush-Cheney about the Faces of the Democratic Party, showing all the Dems being so mad? Then it closed with a shot of Bush, saying this is no time to be angry? And then after that, the Dems cooled down their convention, rewriting most of the speeches? I guess Zell Miller carried the disease over to the RNC because I've never seen an angrier bunch of speakers gathered together, as this article in The State points out.

Spitballs
Having just seen Zell's speech in its entirety, I did what any rational American would do... went to my favorite TV pundits in order to get an analysis of what it was I just saw. Keith Olbermann has a good response to the speech and Zell's later appearance on Hardball.

On Zell
I could go on a tirade about how degrading to our society and our government Zell Miller's speech was, but there are far more eloquent people out there (see: Jon Cohn). Either way, between Cheney and Miller, combining to equal the opposite of charisma, the GOP bombed last night, and it was at the least impressive to watch.

$200 Bill Accepted
Even though most of the Republican Party is in New York right now, it seems there are still idiots elsewhere in the country...

Police on Wednesday charged Deborah Trautwine, 51, with theft by deception, for allegedly passing a bogus $200 bill at the Fashion Bug store in Hempfield Plaza on Aug. 22. There is no such denomination, even without Bush's picture on it.

Police said they didn't know how the clerk was taken in by the ruse, even though several other things about the bill should have been a dead giveaway.

Among other things, the bill had a hokey serial number -- DUBYA4U2001 -- and didn't bear the signature of the secretary of the treasury. Instead, the bill was "signed" by Ronald Reagan, whose title was "Political Mentor" and by Bush's father, who is listed as "Campaign Advisor and Mentor."

The back of the bill was even goofier.

It depicted the White House with several signs erected on the lawn, including those reading "We Like Broccoli" and "USA Deserves A Tax Cut."

Bush: unsure on terror
You may recall a certain interview on the Today show a few days ago in which the President made comments stating that the war on terror is unwinnable:

President Bush ignited a Democratic inferno of criticism today by suggesting the war on terrorism could not be won, forcing his aides to scramble to defend his remarks just as he had hoped to bask in convention accolades.

Bush sought to emphasize the economy - New Hampshire's appears to be on a rebound - but his comments on terrorism dominated national attention.

In an interview on NBC-TV's ``Today'' show, Bush vowed to stay the course in the war on terror, saying perseverance in the battle would make the world safer for future generations. But he suggested an all-out victory against terrorism might not be possible.

Asked ``Can we win?'' Bush said, ``I don't think you can win it. But I think you can create conditions so that the - those who use terror as a tool are less acceptable in parts of the world.''

Well yes, perhaps he is right. But is he consistent? Here's a little from his chat with Rush Limbaugh:

THE PRESIDENT: Right. Really what I was saying to Lauer was, is that this is not the kind of war where you sit down and sign a peace treaty. It's a totally different kind of war. But we will win it.

Ohhhh. Now I see where he's coming from.

Keyes Attacks Cheney

Alan, you make this blog too easy...

Keyes' first comments about Mary Cheney came during an interview Monday night on Sirius OutQ, a New York-based satellite station that provides 24-hour gay and lesbian programming.

After Keyes told the hosts that homosexuality is "selfish hedonism," he was asked whether Mary Cheney is a "selfish hedonist."

"Of course she is," Keyes replied. "That goes by definition. Of course she is."

On Tuesday, Keyes defended his remarks, adding that if his daughter were a lesbian, he would tell her she was committing a sin and should pray about it.

Psst... Alan... you're supposed to be attacking the other side, not your own! This could only alienate the Republican voters already going to the booths to re-elect Bush. Oh wait, I forgot, you already alienated all your voters. Never mind, carry on. In your next speech, though, I fully expect you criticize Obama for being black.

RNC To Honor Johnny Cash
The Republicans, knowing their base loves country music as much as Democrats love... uh... rock?, have decided to set aside some time during the convention to honor Johnny Cash.

Was the man in black a Democrat or a Republican? The son of the late singer Johnny Cash, who captured the hardscrabble life of those on the margins in songs such as "Folsom Prison Blues" and "One Piece at a Time," says his dad never hinted about his party choice.

"He wouldn't say if he had any political affiliation," said John Carter Cash.

Uncertainty aside, Republicans plan to pay tribute to Cash as Sotheby's auction house in New York Tuesday night, one of many convention-related celebrations. Sotheby's will be auctioning Cash memorabilia Sept. 14-16.

The party is for convention delegates from Tennessee, Cash's home state. Tennessee Republican Party Chairwoman Beth Harwell said the event is "a way for us to honor a great Tennessean. A lot of the Tennessee delegates love Johnny Cash's music."

Not sure if the Man In Black was a Republican or Democrat, huh? Let's take a look into the lyrics for a second...

Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.

I wear the black for those who never read,
Or listened to the words that Jesus said,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

Yeah, kinda sounds like Alan Jackson to me, too...

Couldn't Make This Up If I Tried
Apparently, instead of spending money on protecting our troops, securing NYC during the convention, or basically any other thing they could have possibly spent money on, the WH has decided to etch the President's likeness onto the confetti for the RNC this week.

The president's picture, along with those of his wife Laura, Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife Lynne, adorns hundreds of pounds of confetti that will be dropped along with 120,000 balloons and streamers during the convention's closing minutes.

``It's something fun for delegates to sneak home in pockets and tell the kids about,'' said convention press secretary Leonardo Alcivar, who calls it the first time picture confetti has been used at a political convention.

The confetti was made by the Sunnyvale, Calif.-based company Confoti Inc., which uses digital imagery to create various confetti pictures. Alcivar said the company chose the photos to emphasize the president and vice president's strong family ties. There are several poses of the Bushes and the Cheneys.

Something fun to show the kids! "Oh golly, dad, that's sooo awesome that you found tiny pieces of paper on the ground and stuck them in your pocket then drove four hours home just to show me this tiny picture of the President in several poses."

When Liberals Attack
Well, shit. The Union Leader caught on to our grand plans for the RNC. Back to square one, I guess...

NEXT WEEK, people who hate Republicans plan to release swarms of mice in New York City to terrorize delegates to the National Republican Convention.

Republican-haters plan on dressing up as RNC volunteers, and giving false directions to little blue hair ladies from Kansas, sending them into the sectors of New York City that are unfit for human habitation.

They plan on throwing pies and Lord knows what else at Republican visitors to the city. Prostitutes with AIDS plan to seduce Republican visitors, and discourage the use of condoms.

Yeah, and after that will be frogs, locusts, and the slaying of first born.

"Upside Down Logic"
Yahoo! News:

President Bush said Sunday that Democrat John Kerry is using "upside-down" logic when he says terrorists' recruiting efforts are getting a boost from the war on terrorism.

"During the '90s, the terrorists were recruiting and training and plotting for war with us long before we went to war with them," said Bush, campaigning for re- election in West Virginia.

I don't know about you, but I prefer a President with upside-down logic than a President who refrains from any use of logic to begin with...

Laura Bush Supports Swift Boat Ads
Someone must not have kept Laura Bush "in the loop" about the official WH position on Swift Boats For Truth Ads...

In an interview with Time magazine released on Sunday, Mrs. Bush said ads by a group called Swift Boat Veterans for Truth criticizing Kerry were no different from attack ads that have been aimed at President Bush.

"Do I think they're unfair? Not really. There have been millions of terrible ads against my husband," Mrs. Bush told Time.

Psst... Laura... Even George has denounced the ads... Hey, let's not hold grudges against advertisements in general. Regardless if the WH actually supports these ads behind closed doors, it's tacitly assumed that a candidate would condemn them. The President's method of dealing with the ads was smarter. The message was still getting out there, but it didn't look like he was supporting the ads. Laura just makes the WH look like assho- ...oh wait, I guess this doesn't really change anything, does it?