Mall Cops Trained For Terror
Mall security guards are now receiving homeland security training.

In a shopping mall outside Hartford, past the Abercrombie & Fitch and the cell phone kiosks, tucked away by the Barnes & Noble, a conference room full of security guards is learning how to spot suicide bombers.

They are being taught blast patterns and behavior profiles, how a bomb is packaged and how a bomber is recruited.

I'll tell you this: If there's anything mall security guards need it is a new aspect of their job to make them think they are more important than they actually are.
Don't be surprised if you find yourself wrapped up in a CIA investigation the next time you are loitering.

Bush Saluted
Bush makes an appearance in Canada:

Thousands of demonstrators protested President Bush's visit Tuesday, but Bush, eager to patch up relations with the northern neighbor, said he felt he'd received a friendly welcome.

"I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable, and I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers," Bush said with a smile.

Ha! Man, you know what's hillarious, George? How people around the world hate you! Good one!!

Schwarzenegger Won't Run
...at least according to an announcement made today by his wife, Maria Shriver.

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife, Maria Shriver, says America may someday amend the U.S. Constitution and elect a foreign-born president -- but it won't be her husband.

"Forget about it. It is not going to happen. The process takes years, and this is as far as it goes," Shriver, the niece of former President John F. Kennedy, told Vanity Fair magazine amid talk of amending the Constitution to allow the Austrian-born film star to run for president.

The most obvious question this raises is why Shriver is making the announcement instead of Arnold. Reading her complete opposition to his candidacy and taking this in context of the jokes Arnold has been making since he won the governorship, one can only assume this is being done due to Shriver's contrasting political beliefs.
If so, for all his talk of "girly men," Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of the most whipped men in politics.

We're back
To start off after our elongated break, a nice little story on a judge in Brazil who earned the right to be called "Your Honor" or "Your Excellency" outside of court, with violators being fined.

Sure, he's a jackass, but if he did it as a joke, he might just be the funniest person alive.