Thursday, October 28, 2004

Clarence Thomas Doesn't Want To Decide Election
Clarence Thomas said today that he does not want to have to face another lawsuit that will determine the outcome of the election, but he also defended the Court's decision to get involved last time around.

"What are you supposed to do when somebody brings a lawsuit?" Thomas asked University of Kansas law students. "You hear people say the Supreme Court jumped into the last election. I find it very ironic that the very people saying judges are interfering are bringing lawsuits." "What do you think? Donald Duck is going to decide it?"

No, no, Clarence. Not Donald Duck. How about, ummm, the American People? There's a start...

al Qaeda threatens; American on tape
Another al Qaeda tape - this one saying that they will attack America soon - has been released. This is, of course, the sequel to the 300 other tapes that have been released. But of course, this time they're serious. But this time the video's speaker is an American. And, more accurately, a jackass. He says:

No, my fellow countrymen you are guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty. You are as guilty as Bush and Cheney. You're as guilty as Rumsfeld and Ashcroft and Powell," he says in what he calls his message to America. "After decades of American tyranny and oppression, now it's your turn to die. Allah willing, the streets of America will run red with blood matching drop for drop the blood of America's victims."

We're all guilty? But I've been sitting here eating Cheez-It's and blogging. I am voting - what are YOU doing to help America get on the right track, anonymous American asshole?

On the other hand, though, if D.C. is nuked I suppose I'll be eating my words. And Jon will take over the blog, I assume.

On a totally different note, I actually got an E-mail recommending that I talk more about the election. No. Everyone and their mother is getting spin spewed at them from every direction. I'll refrain until election night from talking too much about it, aside from the occasional vent. If you want to avoid watching the news for the next 5 days, allow me to some it up: "Bush is ahead! No, Kerry is ahead! It's a tie now! Too close to call! Ohio is really important!"

You're welcome.

Missing Explosives
Last night on Hannity and Colmes, I watched Hannity and a pundit complain about how there never were any explosives at Al QaQaa and how this would blow up in John Kerry's face when that was determined.
Today, a local news crew has announced that they have footage of these explosives from as recently as April 2003.

Using GPS technology and talking with members of the 101st Airborne 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS determined our crew embedded with them may have been on the southern edge of the Al Qaqaa installation, where that ammunition disappeared. Our crew was based just south of Al Qaqaa. On April 18, 2003 they drove two or three miles north into what is believed to be that area.

During that trip, members of the 101st Airborne Division showed the 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS crew bunker after bunker of material labelled explosives. Usually it took just the snap of a bolt cutter to get in and see the material identified by the 101st as detonation cords.
"We can stick it in those and make some good bombs." a soldier told our crew.

The irony of this is that Hannity's main argument was that Kerry shouldn't have said anything about this issue and just let the media handle it. That way when it backfired it wouldn't make Kerry look stupid. As it now turns out, Bush has been silent on this issue and instead let his media (ie Sean Hannity) talk about how there were no explosives. And now, this strategy will cause the explosives issue to blow up in Bush's face even worse than it already has.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Rocking The Vote
Earlier this month, Ed Gillespie issued a cease and desist order to Rock the Vote to stop posing the hypothetical possibility of the draft as a ploy to get young people to vote in the election. Recently, the Rock the Vote president responded with this letter.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Arnold Makes Fun of Kennedy

At a campaign appearance for a Republican candidate to the California Assembly, Schwarzenegger apologized for being a few minutes late, explaining that he had been pumpkin hunting with his children. Schwarzenegger is married to Maria Shriver, who is Kennedy's niece.

"My kids just brought home a beautiful pumpkin, but you know what? I'm going to return it because it's a Democratic pumpkin. It has the orange color of John Kerry's tan, and the roundness of Teddy Kennedy," said the Republican governor.

Later, Schwarzenegger made a few more jokes about Kennedy's weight when discussing California's $103 billion budget.

"That's a lot of money," he said. "Another way to think about it is if you take $100 bills and put them next to each other, they will go half way, truly half way around Teddy Kennedy's stomach."

As the audience guffawed, Schwarzenegger said, "I always like to make jokes about Teddy Kennedy. I think it's always fun to do that. He's one of my favorite relatives. He comes to my house and he eats away all the cake and all the desserts that we have."

And.. and... Ted Kennedy is so fat that when he sits around the house, he really sits around the house!!
And Ted Kennedy is so fat, that... that he needs his own zip code!!
Hey, you guys have been great. I'll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

"It's hard work."
OK, so 380 tons of explosives are missing...but Iraq will surely one day be a beacon for democracy.

Satanism in the Royal Navy

LONDON, England (CNN) -- A devil-worshipping sailor in the Royal Navy has become the first registered Satanist in the British Armed Forces.

Chris Cranmer, 24, a technician serving on the Type 22 frigate Cumberland, has been officially recognized as a Satanist by the ship's captain.

That allows him to perform satanic rituals aboard and permits him to have a non-Christian Church of Satan funeral should he be killed in action.

OK, morons. Satanism is actually an atheistic religion (which I don't partake in, but happen to know something about). Thus, it's not actually devil-worship. In fact, the name Satanism was used just so the religion would be recognized as the antithesis of Christianity, and is actually a rather libertarian belief system. But tell that to some people:

"I am utterly shocked by this," Conservative parliamentarian Anne Widdecombe told Reuters.

"Satanism is wrong. Obviously the private beliefs of individuals anywhere including the armed forces are their own affair but I hope it doesn't spread," she said.

Well, Anne "I don't know anything about Satanism" Widdecombe doesn't actually seem to dispute the decision, just whine about Satanism. Which, again, she knows nothing about - putting her on about the same level as CNN.